This Simple Trick Gets Your Kids to Do Their Homework, Chores, and Just About Anything Else
Here’s a trick most parents never try — ask your kid if they want a reminder. It sounds too soft to work, but research shows it makes them far more likely to follow through on their tasks.
Every parent knows the routine…
You’ve asked your child to do something, and they resist, delay, or ignore. You remind them later, and they push back harder. Before you know it, everything feels out of control and you’re in a fight. There’s a surprisingly simple way to break this cycle (notice I said simple, NOT EASY), and it will make any child much more likely to follow through all while keeping the peace at home.
The key is to offer support, not issue commands
Instead of demands:
It’s time to do your homework
You can do x after you finish your chores
Make sure you practice your piano tonight or *insert your punishment of choice*
Or “nagging” questions:
Did you do your homework yet?
Are you going to get your chores done today?
Have you been practicing?
True supportive statements are things like:
You know I’m always here to help and support you if you want it. I trust you to make your own choices. Do you want a reminder at 8:30 to help you remember to do your homework or would you like to handle it on your own?
I know the dishes in the sink aren’t piled up that badly, but it makes your mom/dad so happy to come home to a clean house and I love seeing them that way. I know you do too. How about we knock it out together and then we can go play video games until they get home?
Try supporting their autonomy. I know they haven’t proven that they’re capable of handling the responsibility yet, but the problem is that they won’t develop it if you keep trying to regulate their lives for them. It’s okay to have a conversation about why these things are important, and communicate what you believe the reasons are they should be doing them. If your child agrees, then you’ve established a strong foundation for support. If they don’t, it might take some time to learn what things they value and figure out how that aligns to the tasks they need to do. Often, the world supplies plenty of consequences to their actions. They don’t need more consequences from their parents, they need help developing better self-regulation systems.
Most kids will start responding well to this approach rather quickly; others may test their parents at first to see if you’re actually respecting their agency or if you’ll step in once they “abuse” the freedom they’ve been given. Some neurodivergent kids (and adults for that matter) struggle more to develop these systems.
You might be thinking “what am I? An alarm clock?”
“I’m supposed to remind him to do everything he needs to on his terms and somehow that build autonomy?” and that’s actually a valid point. You won’t build autonomy by constantly reminding your child to do all of their tasks anymore than you’ll build it by telling them what to do and when. The idea is that their exercising their autonomy by opting in to the reminder when you offer, you aren’t forcing it on them (which means if they say no, there’s no reminder that day even if you know they haven’t done it yet).
We know this works from decades of psychology research.
Psychologists call this ‘autonomy support.’ When kids feel like they have a real choice, they’re far more motivated than when they feel controlled.
Choice architecture: Even small choices increase buy-in and reduce resistance.
Motivational interviewing techniques: Offering help instead of forcing it helps people “own” the decision.
By offering a reminder as an option, you’re signaling: “I trust you, but I’m here if you need backup.”
How to try it today
Pick one recurring battle (homework, brushing teeth, chores).
Offer the reminder choice: “Do you want me to give you a reminder, or do you want to keep track of it?”
Respect the answer:
If they say yes → give one calm reminder at the agreed time.
If they say no → let them own it. If they forget, reflect later without blame: “Looks like that didn’t work — do you want a reminder next time?”
Pro Tips for Success
Keep it light: This works best if your tone is friendly, not sarcastic or threatening.
Avoid over-reminding: If they agree to one reminder, stick to one. Too many feels like nagging.
Use with older kids too: Teens especially crave autonomy, and this phrasing makes them feel respected.
Pair with visible tools: A checklist, calendar, or sticky note makes follow-through easier without your voice being the constant trigger.
Remember
Nagging creates resistance. Commands create defiance. But collaboration builds ownership.
The next time you’re about to say “Go do your homework,” try asking:
“Do you want a reminder, or do you want to take care of it yourself?”
It’s a tiny shift — but it can transform daily battles into teamwork.
